Money Matters

Its been ages since the last time I wrote my piece here. I just feel sorry for not managing my time really well and not letting me to do things I love. I have been really lazy to write. When there were a lot of things had happened and I had all the stories to tell everyday and it does only take a few minutes to write about it.

Right now, All I wanted to do is plan my retirement. My parents didn't plan their old age. Now that they're hitting 50's they dont have enough saving to live through when they can no longer work. I love my parents and I know I will not take them for granted I would still take care of them. What worries me if I'll get married and my husband will not understand the situation. It would be a dilemna.

My key plan is to save and from my savings I'll invest it wisely. I mean I have so much responsibilities and managing my finances is really hard. Its not that I am earning much and am also trying to spend my money wisely. It may take time for me to get caught up with everything but am really starting to save up. It is my main priority.

I have given up other activities that would cost me money. Like going out and eating out. I can live without it. I may do it at least twice a month. Shopping for clothes I just do it if there would be a bargain at the mall which happens once every two months.

I really have to be responsible and discipline to have a comfortable life. It is still a struggle right now but I still have another 10 years to have the life that I always wanted. All of us wants to retire early and enjoy life fully. I have to take things one step at a time and be really focus. And hopefully faith will be on my side.

Love Eternity

How many times that we wished to have a happy ever after ? Me a million times its always what I think of everyday.

I convinced myself that life will go on without love. I will be okay and happy being single.
When you were hurt a dozen of times you get traumatized and thinking you can never love again.

But each day my mind my heart and my soul has this need to search for one true love. They said good things happen to those who wait. But I think I have been waiting for ages. How long should I wait? A lot of questions is in my mind.

I pathetically think that there is really something wrong with me. I guess that I am just so hooked with love and it frustrates me. I know what I want and tried to get what I want but I can't just have it.

Yes, right now am seeing someone but I don't feel assured that with him it will be a happy everafter. It may be too early for me to conclude that he might be the one . But one is for sure am definitely taking him seriously.

Just crossing my fingers and hoping this would work. I got tired of dating new guy. I am not into the dating game anymore. Right now what I want is a substantial relationship. And I pray that what he wants from me too.

Monday OFF

Its been awhile that I have expressed my thoughts throught writing.
Funny , before all I can do is write. I always had my feelings hidden its always a close book.
Anger, sadness, happiness, anxiety, madness etc..... I can't just show it nor to tell someone what I felt. They said I always wear this poker face. But not anymore, I little by little am opening up. Well guess right now am someone I never expected to be.

People at work, loves to hear what i say. I mean they think am funny and they will miss me if Ill transfer to a new management. It made me feel good that I mean something to someone.
I may not be lucky in love but am well loved by the poeple around me.

I always think that life well be so sad and lonely when you dont have a boyfriend , a lover, a special friend. Guess am wrong, there are a lot of things in this world that can make you truly happy. You just have to appreciate whats in front of you. Open your eyes and embrace what you have. I don't really have to look any further and stress my self to find what is missing in my life.

Incomplete

Everything seems so normal tonite. I am bored, dont feel like eating , dont want to do anything either. It is Father's Day today and I get the chance to greet my stepfather. I was hesitant to send him a text coz we never talk. We never have a father-daugther relationship. He was so distant to me and so I am to him. I am glad when he responded and said thanks. I felt so strange and it is new for me. I know I have been away from my family for a long time. I don't even know what will I do when ill see them again. I miss them yes but am okay being away from them. I am enjoying my freedom, I like it when no onel dictates me in my life. I can do what I want, I dont have to answer anyone.

But the feeling is still empty, I like what I am in right now. Single, no pressure...theres nothing much to think about just work and my finances. Of course theres no day that I didnt think about my family. They're my inspiration. I am working to help me and them. I can't describe what I feel about me being alone, independent and the nothingness. Ive been always like this I dont know when will this stop. Its really tiring, I want a change, I want a fresh air to breath.
But I dont know where to start and how to get rid of this emptiness. I want to fill my life with just lil bit of everything.

When It Rains, It Pours

Do you believe in bad luck?? Well me, I am out of luck. Lately these days, things were really bad for me. I mean problems at work, family issues, lovelife, sexlife, friendship, health.. GEEEEEEEEEEEESSSH
But anyway I am staying positive. Am giving little emphasis about the badness. It works I mean seeing something good everyday will help you to move on. It is easily get discouraged if you keep thinking that you are carrying the world. ME I'll let someone carry it for me. I am not saying that I no longer take any responsibility. Well I'll just deal anything systematically. I don't if I can really do it. But I'll do my best.

I wish for wellness!

I am in a limbo right now, I might be losing my job, am not sure, but I really have a bad feelings about my work status. I think I will be terminated anytime soon, I wasn't able to go to work for three days, and I don't why can't anyone let me know what is my current status. I don't what God is planning for me, But I am hoping if I lose this job hopefully not this week am hoping next month. I will be ready for the lose. I am going to see Jersey today, hope she knows about my status, I no longer want any surprises, especially if its a bad news. I wish things will be better. I am promising that I'll make it up later. I can't really make a better decision for myself. I am always unsure, well anyway life cant give any security at all. It is possible that everything can be taken away from in just a snap. Well if I will lose my job, there must be a good reason.
Another reason why am so feeling down today, theres no way for you to have good friends who will always be there for you. I realized that you can never depend on anyone else. I feel so bad and I have done bad as well. I just wish I can change, change for a better. I know I have a lot of things to consider. I always have short term goal, probably thats why I never have anything long lasting. I just wish I can do something that will make me proud about myself.

Slow Night

It is one of them days, slow and easy. I don't even know what to write today. Nothing much was going on, just enjoying the days that I don't have to go to work. I miss Jersey though a good friend from work. Well at work am always stressed out. I am just hoping by thursday I'll be good with what am doing. Help me God, because I am losing my own battle.