Incomplete

Everything seems so normal tonite. I am bored, dont feel like eating , dont want to do anything either. It is Father's Day today and I get the chance to greet my stepfather. I was hesitant to send him a text coz we never talk. We never have a father-daugther relationship. He was so distant to me and so I am to him. I am glad when he responded and said thanks. I felt so strange and it is new for me. I know I have been away from my family for a long time. I don't even know what will I do when ill see them again. I miss them yes but am okay being away from them. I am enjoying my freedom, I like it when no onel dictates me in my life. I can do what I want, I dont have to answer anyone.

But the feeling is still empty, I like what I am in right now. Single, no pressure...theres nothing much to think about just work and my finances. Of course theres no day that I didnt think about my family. They're my inspiration. I am working to help me and them. I can't describe what I feel about me being alone, independent and the nothingness. Ive been always like this I dont know when will this stop. Its really tiring, I want a change, I want a fresh air to breath.
But I dont know where to start and how to get rid of this emptiness. I want to fill my life with just lil bit of everything.

When It Rains, It Pours

Do you believe in bad luck?? Well me, I am out of luck. Lately these days, things were really bad for me. I mean problems at work, family issues, lovelife, sexlife, friendship, health.. GEEEEEEEEEEEESSSH
But anyway I am staying positive. Am giving little emphasis about the badness. It works I mean seeing something good everyday will help you to move on. It is easily get discouraged if you keep thinking that you are carrying the world. ME I'll let someone carry it for me. I am not saying that I no longer take any responsibility. Well I'll just deal anything systematically. I don't if I can really do it. But I'll do my best.

I wish for wellness!

I am in a limbo right now, I might be losing my job, am not sure, but I really have a bad feelings about my work status. I think I will be terminated anytime soon, I wasn't able to go to work for three days, and I don't why can't anyone let me know what is my current status. I don't what God is planning for me, But I am hoping if I lose this job hopefully not this week am hoping next month. I will be ready for the lose. I am going to see Jersey today, hope she knows about my status, I no longer want any surprises, especially if its a bad news. I wish things will be better. I am promising that I'll make it up later. I can't really make a better decision for myself. I am always unsure, well anyway life cant give any security at all. It is possible that everything can be taken away from in just a snap. Well if I will lose my job, there must be a good reason.
Another reason why am so feeling down today, theres no way for you to have good friends who will always be there for you. I realized that you can never depend on anyone else. I feel so bad and I have done bad as well. I just wish I can change, change for a better. I know I have a lot of things to consider. I always have short term goal, probably thats why I never have anything long lasting. I just wish I can do something that will make me proud about myself.

Slow Night

It is one of them days, slow and easy. I don't even know what to write today. Nothing much was going on, just enjoying the days that I don't have to go to work. I miss Jersey though a good friend from work. Well at work am always stressed out. I am just hoping by thursday I'll be good with what am doing. Help me God, because I am losing my own battle.

Conquer Fear with Faith

I've been checking a website and someone tried to chat with me. I was really bored so I chatted with this fella. He is a doctor and public speaker and he teaches about life coaching. He is nice enough to send me his works. While listening each word he said, it did hit me. I realize that I have too much worries and reflecting everything I cant deny that all my life I have been depressed.
I stressing out, anxious about the status about my job, my family just about everything. I know its normal to worry about things but worrying too much is not healthy.

I am setting a goal for myself that starting today. Worries wont cripple and stop me from being the best I can be. I am glad I was able to speak to that person. He inspired me with his words. There might be no chance of meeting him and thank him in person. But I know starting today I will change. I will stop all my worries I will set a goal and its only me living in a worry life.

I will not be scared to love again. I will not be scared to fail at work. I will accept failures as an opportunity to grow. Theres no downfall in this life I realize, its always having a chance to see
how life can be so beautiful if we will abolished the badness and nurture the good side of life.

I will stop complaining and keep asking WHY ME???? every time. I have to grow up am not the only who messed up. But theres always a chance for me to correct things. It is never too late.
I will do all the things that I enjoy most and nothing will be a hindrance.


As what the bible said: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 3:14

Never Quit

I have this tendency to quit and hide when things get rough. I just came from work and it was not a good day for me. I have two pending suspension just because I had an honest mistake. I work in a call center, you might think its just easy to sit and talk to customers over the phone. It was never easy, most of them are hard to talk to. But the challenge is there and it helps me improve my communication skills. I can't say am articulate but am working on it. It feels nice to have those people believe on you and appreciate the help you offered. But it doesn't always that way.
And theres a lot of metrics to hit and standards to meet. Oh well, part of the job is to do sales. I am more into helping customers and sensitive on their needs. Its stressful yet challenging. I will stop quiting, I swear I will never stop until I get what I want. I am tired of being a loser . Starting today thing will change.. Everything will change. I am up for the challenge in every aspect of my life.

Starting All Over Again

It's hard to write again, I don't know where to start. I stopped writing because all I could write was the saddest part of my life. It was just the badness and the heartaches thats I have been through..
Things has changed a bit. I have reasons to smile each day. I may not be totally happy with my with life but am working on it. Happiness is a state of mind, no one can let you down if you wont let them. It was disappointing that I have became worst when I was with someone who I thought will be there for me completely. Am embracing the old me, full of life and hope. I will be happy again with or without someone. My happiness will not be relied on someone. There is a lot of ways to make me feel good about myself. And am bringing back the old me. Gray sky is already behind me and looking for a brighter horizon.